An Essential Key to Change Your Love-life Forever

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Eph 5:25). This often repeated truth read at weddings can make us nod in agreement. But it is hard to grasp the power of this awesome truth without first recognizing where we stand.

I did not place this teaching in my own context as the essential key to my own marriage until a lay-preacher did it for me. He rightly asks if too many of us view marriage as little more than a transaction. We relate to most people in a 50-50 transaction.

If we have a calculative streak in us, we will want an advantage in the transaction. When we think this transaction is to our advantage, we will be happy – that is pretty much human nature. When we get what we want, or more than what we expect, we are happy. When we fail to get what we want and we begin to calculate our cost, and it will not take long for us to become dissatisfied with our marriage.

When Paul tells the husband to love his wife as Christ loves the church, he is talking about a 100% love. We are called to a 100-100 dynamic in a marriage; not a 50-50 contract. Jesus, “Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end” (John 13:1). That is the model for husbands in a marriage.

Guys, if you marry her for beauty, won’t the beauty of your trophy wife fade with time? If you need her to fill your need for intimacy, will there not come a time when nature diminishes her passion for the same?

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” (Prov 31:30).

The phenomenon of older men leaving their marriage for younger women is due, in no small part, to the desire for the beauty and passion of youth. Guys, when we say, “till death do us part” do we really mean, “as long as you serve my purposes”? Do we enter the marriage as a tit-for-tat relationship?

Before and Outside Marriage

While Christian living does not call us to love everyone the way we love our spouse, one aspect remains true—we cannot be calculative.

The Lord has blessed me with many kind and generous friends, people I do not deserve. From time-to-time, I bump into a calculative person. Such people are not necessarily tight. (There are many wonderful people who live simply so they can give more. They are stingy on themselves and generous towards God.) We can have a calculative spender.  He can spend money freely on you, but he does so for something in return. These are calculative people. (Needless to say, some are both stingy and calculative.)

Meanness and marriage don’t go together. We need to approach all of life with a spirit of generosity.  If we will be successful in Christian marriage and in courtship, we cannot do it without cultivating a generous heart.

I am not asking you be become a spendthrift or a wastrel. These people spend money to make themselves happy, they do not possess true generosity. I just need to put this clause in so as not to enable the wonton spender. But we all recognize love and true generosity when we see it.

Some people have been hurt in love, and they turn inward. They may have been generous in the past, but have become mean without even knowing it. Such people need to heal and open their hearts once again if they hope to ever find love.

The same meanness or generosity that makes or breaks a marriage is also the key to your success in finding a life-partner. Generosity opens your heart and the hearts of those you encounter. Being calculative betrays a spirit of meanness; and they are one and the same.

One essential key to finding a life-partner is to learn the winsome generosity of Jesus Christ our Lord. Jesus loves us to the very end. But at the very start of learning the love of Christ is to learn generosity.

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